Okay, disaster averted and prayers answered! The rod's okay, the crank isn't prestine, but it's still in spec and it'll be okay for a while until I can get time and money to do a full rebuild. The bearing material was in the the pan, and the oil pick up caught some other bits. The filter did the rest.
Turns out, at some point this truck had a head gasket replaced - the restricter for the valvetrain was in the pan! In addition to that, there was some old RTV, bits of what looked like a gasket, and maybe part of a rear main seal. Whoever worked on this thing in the past didn't do it any favor by "fixing" it.
I ordered new rod bearings. I'm gonna replace them all while I'm under this thing. Here's a pic of the bad bearing.
P.S. Once I'm done getting this thing back together again, I'll post some videos here for your entertainment.